Enigma in the Desert
by Lady Ava
Summary: Squall's thoughts while he's alone in the time compression. (Spoiler warning)


**_Note to the reader_**: This is based off the ending of Final Fantasy VIII. If you haven't gotten to the end of the game, then turn back. THIS IS A MAJOR SPOILER TO THE END OF THE GAME!!! (I thought it would be easier to get my point across by writing it in cap locks.) I don't wanna ruining such a great ending for someone who hasn't gotten there yet.  

_Disclaimer_: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters. They are in the possession of Squaresoft.   
  
                                                        _Enigma of the Desert_

                                                              By: Lady Ava

  
             I've been walking. God only knows how long. The desert is starting to look the same now. No matter where I turn, all I see is emptiness.   
              But I guess I deserve it. After all, I haven't been the best person on the planet. I have nothing to give to my world anymore. I have done my fair share to help end the war. Saving everyone from the ultimate evil by sacrificing myself in order to win. To save my friends.   
             My friends…   
             By now they have probably forgotten about me. I'm probably nothing more than a memory being talked about in past tense. Soon they'll move on with their lives and I'll rarely come up in conversation. 'Who?' or 'that guy'. That's what I'll be called. They won't even remember my name.   
               That's my worst fear I guess. Not being remembered. Just being a 'thing of the past'. I never wanted to be 'that guy'. The person that no one wants to remember. Sure, they'll grieve, I guess. Then the pain will vanish and, like I said before, they will move on with their lives.   
              The sky is going darker by the second now. I guess it makes my end a lot more suitable. If Seifer could see me now. He'd probably stand there and laugh at me. I hear his voice echoing in its usually taunting tone.   
             'Ha…you're so pathetic Squall…'   
            I guess he's right. This is the coward's way to die. Alone…starving…loveless… Some 'commander' I turned out to be.   
            I have nothing left. My friends have gone back, the world is safe as are the Gardens. But now I've lost her. The girl of my dreams. All because I had to play the hero. I finally find true happiness and I lose it to a stupid time-compression.   
            Rinoa…   
            I'll never forget that name. Her sparkling brown eyes and soft silky hair. The sound of her laugh and the glitter of her smile are only the little things that I will miss about her. She was like an angel…my angel.   
            I've reached the end of this damn desert wasteland. There's nothing more than a gray fiery sky. My legs feel weak from walking for so long. Might as well sit and wait for death to come. But I can only collapse…half from sorrow and half from impending death.   
            If the others could see me now, they would probably point and laugh. The once proud and strong 'lion', now nothing more than a weak pathetic kitten. I see the true me now…I'm nothing…a nobody.   
            Looking out into the sea of darkness, I feel the cold breath of death on my neck. I can only sit here and wait now. All my hopes are gone. Visions of my life start to pass me by. Everything and everyone is there. I see my training session with Seifer and when I got my scar, making the elite of the mercenary force SeeD, learning about the past from Ellone, the defeats and victories….

            …My friends… 

…Rinoa… 

I wonder if she's still thinking of me. Of all the things we went through just to be together. She has been taken from me so many times. But now, I'm the one who is going to be taken. 

…what…? Something's falling down from this damn gray sky. It can't be what I want it to be. It is...a feather. 

Rinoa…should I even hope…hope that you're here.    
            I barely have enough strength to grasp it in my hand. But if it can give me hope, then I'll try. 

It's warm. The feather feels so relaxing. The gray world is gone and I'm no longer alone. I see her standing there in that place. The field where we made a pact…no…a promise… I told her that I would be there in that place, waiting for her. So that if she was to come there, she would find me. I promised her that I would return to her, no matter what. Now, I broke that promise…I can never go back to that place. 

I call out to her.

'Rinoa…I'm right here!' 

She keeps her back to me.  I shout her name over and over again. 

'Rinoa?!' But she doesn't even hear me.

Finally, she turns to me. No…I can't see her. I don't see her eyes, her smile…nothing. 

Why…? 

Why can't I see her?

I'm trying to remember her face on the first night we met at the dance. I see the ballroom. Everyone is dancing just like it was. I see Rinoa in the middle of the floor. She turns to me to smile. 

No…

I still can't see her face. 

Rinoa…I…don't…remember…

I try to think of the others. Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, Zell…hell, even Seifer. But, all I can remember is a blur. All of them are blurred outlines of color. 

I can't forget them. I don't want to forget them. But…I can't control it. Their faces are starting to fade from my sight. The sounds of the voices are muffled in my ears. No…I won't have anything if I can't remember them.   
            My world is spinning quickly, everything thing is a blur. I hear my friends calling my name.  I see Rinoa reaching out to me. I try to reach out to her…to them…but it is all in my head. They're not with me. I know that now. I see Rinoa falling towards me. But I can't touch her. Before I can even reach her, I see her shatter and her in space…her helmet breaking and…

A white light appears before me as something warm starts down my face. 

Am…I crying? 

This must be it.  My tears are coming faster now. There is no point in holding them back. No one is there to watch me die. So, why bother to try to act tough. I feel a warm light engulf my senses. I can no longer reach out to them. The light is so welcoming and all I want to do is sleep…sleep and forget my pain. Forget my old life and not think about what will happen next.   
            I feel myself falling…   
                                                falling…   
                                                            falling…   
                                                                        falling…   
                                                                                    falling…

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